What Time Is It? It's Still Frikkin' Christmas Time!

Even though every FM radio station in New York ceased playing Christmas music--and The Hanukkah Song--at the stroke of midnight Thursday, it's still Christmas for like, 9 more days. And that is the story I'm sticking to in order to show you my lovely collection of musical holiday time pieces.

I've mentioned my Christmas Tree Watch that plays the Lambada before, if you know me it's legendary, even...but only now, thanks to the glory of technology, can I share the magic with you. (And yeah, I know the timekeeping part has ceased to function, that's not what I wear it for. It's right twice a day, anyway.)

Festive, yes? For actual timekeeping, however, we turn to our musical snowman clock, which was marketed as playing a different Christmas carol every hour on the hour for as long as the lights stayed on. The idea of that bothered me, as you might imagine it would if you were positioned directly underneath something that spontaneously burst into music regardless of how those beneath might feel.

I ENDED UP LOVING THIS CLOCK. Here's why:



Every hour on the hour, baby. SPROING!

What Time Is It? It's Still Frikkin' Christmas Time!

Hear The Baby Jesus Cryin' Ho Ho Ho!

I seem to be playing a lot of videos right around now. That's because I'm really only here in spirit right now and videos are easy for me and entertaining for you. I hear it's the Christmas time in the land, as well as Chanukkah, Solstice, Festivus, one of the Eids--and Kwanzaa is coming up too, and if I were to write something meaningful here it would only spiral into the realization that there are less of my loved ones living this year and I'm having Ramen noodles for dinner. But I like Ramen noodles, and I'm grateful to have my family and a house to put some of them in, and knowing my cats and dog are healthy is my Christmas present. Knowing all the people I've known that the thought of can now cause me to lock myself in the bathroom on Christmas Eve sobbing unabashedly into a handtowel is a present, too. Really. They must have been good ones to get that reaction out of the cold stone that is my heart. I'd prefer to be laughing with them, actually. I bet at this very moment you'd prefer me to be doing that as well.

I was listening to WFUV one night and heard Another Christmas Song by Stephen Colbert and it amused me, because Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart helped get me through this year, and they have my unending gratitude and occasional outbursts of actual laughter. I hear there was a holiday special involving Colbert, and hopefully by the time this post goes live I've seen it and will be so delighted by it that I come back and change that whole first paragraph.

Hear The Baby Jesus Cryin' Ho Ho Ho!

Spend Christmas With The One You Want To Burn The Record Collection Of...With Or Without Fire.

I like the crazier Christmas songs, you know. So when I happened upon A Christmas Duel between The Hives and Cyndi Lauper I hit the Internet to find out what this new madness was and share it with all of you because I wuv you all. Behold!

Spend Christmas With The One You Want To Burn The Record Collection Of...With Or Without Fire.

I'm Glad Santa Doesn't Generally Shoot People.

True story, one year a guy decides to make his nephew believe in Santa by dressing up as Santa and climbing over the fence to serenade the kid. Only he had the wrong house. Nan was very polite about it and let him out the gate but...that was odd.

Who wants Christmas music? No, who wants fun Christmas music? Who wants Don't Shoot Me Santa by The Killers? WHOO!

I'm Glad Santa Doesn't Generally Shoot People.

It's Begining To Sound A Lot Like I Want To Stick My Head In A Bag.

Oh, hello.

For every odd beastiality movie Nan finds, Mum can find crazy '60s, '70s and porno movies. Like In The Year 2889, Suspiria, and Spider-Babe. So last weekend when she found God's Gun, a western about a priest who comes to avenge his brother. Both characters are played by Lee Van Cleef. When he shows up, voices go, "BAAAAAA!" and if that doesn't sell you, here's the trailer courtesy of YouTube:

More and more Christmassy things started popping up, like the marathon of Peter Falk as an angel movies, A Town Without Christmas, Finding John Christmas, and When Angels Come to Town.

My fifth weekly post went up at Type Your Culture, and if you think I haven't mentioned that blog before it's because I was waiting until I was able to update my blogroll to include it. However I haven't been able to update my blogroll because Blogrolling.com is still doing some sort of secret tweaking that includes not allowing access to blogrolls.

I've been posting to a blog called Type Your Culture, and I realize I'm the last person to define a culture, but there I am on Wednesdays, the girly white New Yorker who can read Spanish but obviously still can't write it (aspiro, for instance, either means I aspire to do that someday or I suck for not keeping those synapses alive). The blog is just starting out and its goal is to get views from all cultures, so spread the word.

Then I guess I got sick. Or something. I don't know. It wasn't enjoyable. Two symptoms are rambling incoherently.

It's Begining To Sound A Lot Like I Want To Stick My Head In A Bag.

This Would Be Day Five.

All that marketing crap and radio bombardment about Christmas through Hanukkah and Solstice once again ended Christmas at around 5 A.M. on Boxing Day.

Screw that, here's a 12 Days of Christmas that goes totally frikkin' insane and ends up being one of my favorite songs ever.

This Would Be Day Five.

Daryl Hall Says It's The Right Time, I Do Not Argue.

The media and stores have been insisting it's Christmas since October. The neighbors have had decorations and lights up since before Thanksgiving. This past week we got a ton of snow--and meterologists may frown upon my ballpark weight of the snow, but they didn't have to shovel it out of my walkway. Ton.

But it really isn't Christmas yet, it isn't even winter for another four days, even though Paul Winter's had his concert down in St. John The Divine already.

Today, however, I finally heard Jingle Bell Rock by Hall & Oates with Daryl Hall singing. There are two different versions, you know, and for some reason the station that went all-Christmas music before Hanukkah seems to only play the John Oates version. I don't have anything against Oates, you can't have Hall & Oates without him, but in 1983, the first year I decorated the tree mostly by myself, it was the Daryl Hall vocal I had burned in my head as my Princess Leia doll handed me red glitter balls and wondered if Han would make it for Christmas.

...I did say I decorated the tree mostly by myself. Tony the cat also helped.

But I digress, Daryl Hall has sung his song, and that was enough of a signal to get the stuff on the tree and start decorating.

Behold, videos for both versions of the song!

Hall:



Oates:

Daryl Hall Says It's The Right Time, I Do Not Argue.

Careful what you dig up.

Last year, the gang at Battered Hat Productions made this downright scary film called The Christmas Fairy. It's still freaking me out, man.

Careful what you dig up.

How to tell what day it is.

Tate is on vacation, so one of the few things I looked forward to in December is...well, done in one frame.

Not to fear, there is a less-cute, but just as handy tool for people who just aren't sure if it's Christmas yet: IsItChristmas.com. It even has an RSS feed.

As for me, I shall try to write something here every day, because I have been neglecting my blog duties almost as much as my own sanity. However, I think you'll agree that it's much better I spend my hour freezing in my yard not writing posts. The double letters are a bbi to backspace over.

How to tell what day it is.

I Watch Shrek For The Wrong Reasons.

I like Puss, the little Antonio Banderas cat, and I'm guessing a lot of people do, because ABC used Puss to bribe me into watching Shrek The Halls, some odd holiday fart joke that was on TV tonight.

I realize they only had about 19 minutes to work with, and so they focused on the one winter holiday that has a costume, so everybody could dress up and Puss could become mesmerized my the jingly pom-pom on the end of his hat and.... My feelings for Puss In Boots are special ones. I have to clean up the drool now.

I just...I just thought there'd be one character in all of Shrek's friends who celebrated something else. You know, so Disney could market a plush Donkey with a dreidel, Fiona with a sun gong, or Puss with Kwanzaa books. But no, we get another meaning of Christmas story that's like, don't kick your friends out in the snow, because apparently they have no place else to go.

If only Puss was in the Chrismahanukwanzakah ad, then I could just watch that and be happy.

(For as long as it stays up, YouTube has the best part of Shrek The Halls, Puss telling his tale of Christmas. Enjoy. I know I did. I've...made a mess again.)

I Watch Shrek For The Wrong Reasons.