Songs of My Misspent Youth: Hourglass

By now you're probably wondering why I keep going back to 1987 like it's the well of misspent time. I turned thirteen that year, and if you've ever turned thirteen, you may have some idea of why it was such a messed up time in my head. That's too vague, however, so I'll point you to Hourglass by Squeeze and say 1987 was the year I realized I seemed to be moving slower than everyone around me.

It is still occasionally 1987, that's how slow my body is on following through with what my brain is doing. But while I'll never be in a band and I'll never miss the scenery while running through theme parks, stores and whatever that place with all the boats is called, I'm okay with it, and this song is part of the reason why. I could sing the chorus! Who else can do that? Other than Difford and Tilbrook...and other fans of Squeeze.... Hey, I never met anyone else who could do it therefore I have one thing that was unique. Until I lost my voice. But that wouldn't happen for another three years, so my biggest issue was that I couldn't read music as fast as everyone else. Oh boo hoo. One day I'd be like, hey, I'm on the floor, can I have a glass of water? But that's beside the point. No, actually it's not, because while I was lying on the ground unable to do more than flail one arm and cough, my brain was doing advanced calculus and quoting movies and lyrics while coming up with ways to catch up on all the work I was going to be behind on and wondering if I there were any centipedes behind me.

In other words, I totally identified with the words to this song when it came out and I still totally identify with it now. Also, the video was directed by Adrian Edmondson! If you're a fan of British comedy I don't need to tell you who that is. Do I? Bottom? Comic Strip Presents? The Young Ones?! Yes, Vyvyan.

You know what? Since Universal music wants to deprive little girls of embedding Squeeze videos in their drag down memory lane, here's another video involving Ade Edmondson that would eventually save me from death by *headdesk*.

Songs of My Misspent Youth: Hourglass

I'm Thinking of Getting This Tattoo

Maybe I'll just engrave it on a Medic-Alert bracelet.

I'm Thinking of Getting This Tattoo

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It's 12:34:56 on 7/8/9.

HAHA.

You have another chance to live this excitement in 12 hours. Properly, too, as technically this is 00:34:56 on 7/8/9 and that makes no sense whatsoever, even to me.

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Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

Yeah. I made that. Click it, it'll take you this video I made too.

Took me long enough to get around to. Five years, give or take a few months.

Ten years ago today, though, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace premiered. I hear that took longer to create but it gave me enough good times to get me to this point in life, and now you'll all have to sit through four more minutes of Sithly gloriousness to witness the vision that just would not die.

It all goes back to the fall of 2004. I was spending a lot of time walking kittens and listening to K-Rock. AC/DC figured heavily into their playlists, and I had high fevers, the highest of which was the Star Wars pandemic. I'd exiled myself from most of the Internet to avoid spoilers for Revenge Of The Sith but then Lucasfilm's own Back In Black sneak preview tied AC/DC to SW for all eternity and an idea was formed. Among other things. Porkins destroying the Death Star to T.N.T. was actually the baby brother of the idea of Dirty Deeds, but like Star Wars itself, these things get made in the order technology allows.

My list of people I'd like to thank would be longer than the video itself, but odds are if you're reading all this you know you had a hand in giving me the will to see it through to completion. A right hand, in fact. Sorry about slicing it off. *ahem* ;)

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

Fun From Yesterday Can Be Fun Right Now!

Perhaps it's fitting that I came in late to this wonder known as Fun from yesterday! on mightygodking.com, but I can't believe I lived so long not knowing these special scans of classic Atari games were online.

I totally played Buzz Aldrin Space Rainbow Tennis all the time as a kid.

Tags: March 2009, silliness, video games

Fun From Yesterday Can Be Fun Right Now!

Bring The Pokémon!

A few movie nights ago Mum pulls out this bag of seemingly harmless popcorn. Yet halfway into the movie I began to get sleepy and hear music in my head. Never mind that I was wearing my radio and it was totally late.



I woke up with numbers scribbled on my face in a clockwise fashion with a magic marker. Judging by the way my nose threw a shadow on the four, I was facing entirely the wrong direction.

...I know, I totally would have expected pudding to do this, right?

Tags: February 2009, photos, food, humor

Bring The Pokémon!

What happens when a vlog sees its shadow.

We've had six weeks of vlogs, and now we'll have six weeks of no vlog! Yes, I have seen my shadow, and shall retreat into the snowy cave of er...clearing space off my drive so I can edit my epic Star Wars fan video I've been planning for years.

Seriously, it's a lot of me uploading and you downloading just to see me go, "Gosh, it's too cold to cut up my old boxes," and I've been busy in places I can't bring the camera and it's too noisy inside the house and I haven't got the balls to really go off in a vlog the way I do in writing anyway, plus my voice has been gone since Wednesday and this very morning The Puppy had candy! And we learned that The Puppy is one of those dogs that shouldn't have candy! EVER! She's fine now. I did not have to kill anyone over this, which is always good.

Vlog 7 will rise in March with the crocuses!

What happens when a vlog sees its shadow.

I Really Do Have A Sick Sense Of Humor. Just Like The Dude In That Depeche Mode Song.

A while back my buddy Wiggy brought what is now being called the atheist bus to my attention. I hate buses so much that I came up with a snarky comment and then very nearly forgot it as I went on my merry way.

But the Internet, b3ta in this case, being the glorious thing that it is, they've given me a way to make my silly comment a reality.

Made with the bus slogan generator
and a sick sense of humor.

Tags: February 2009, silliness, photos

I Really Do Have A Sick Sense Of Humor. Just Like The Dude In That Depeche Mode Song.

True Insanity Takes Time

I can't put a lot of time into these vlog things, but Vlog the Vivth was started before the fourth one, was orignally meant to be the second one, and has all sorts of characters in it I haven't seen since the '90s. Does it mean I cleared more than four boxes out of my basement? HELL NO! But there's an outtake involving The Puppy that is possibly the greatest commentary on my mental state ever. Why am I talking to my hand? Why was I yelling at the spare toilet paper? Who knows?! Not me!

(Anyone wanting to hear the wicked Boushh impression I can do when my hernia is acting up or see the ghost of Gumby past--these two minutes are all for you, baby. ;) )

True Insanity Takes Time

Eating The Scenery Is Apparently Encouraged

Behold, the second week of 2009 has brought us Vlog II, where I continue to show that despite all the years together my hand and I have no chemistry whatsoever.

See, I'm holding the camera in my hand. *ahem*

(Special bonuses if you watch this video include a kiss from a puppy, cats at play, my hernia Batman voice and the wicked wind storm we're getting. ALL IN UNDER TWO MINUTES!)

Eating The Scenery Is Apparently Encouraged

My New Year's Message

I made a vlog. Then I eated it.

Happy 2009!

My New Year's Message

What Time Is It? It's Still Frikkin' Christmas Time!

Even though every FM radio station in New York ceased playing Christmas music--and The Hanukkah Song--at the stroke of midnight Thursday, it's still Christmas for like, 9 more days. And that is the story I'm sticking to in order to show you my lovely collection of musical holiday time pieces.

I've mentioned my Christmas Tree Watch that plays the Lambada before, if you know me it's legendary, even...but only now, thanks to the glory of technology, can I share the magic with you. (And yeah, I know the timekeeping part has ceased to function, that's not what I wear it for. It's right twice a day, anyway.)

Festive, yes? For actual timekeeping, however, we turn to our musical snowman clock, which was marketed as playing a different Christmas carol every hour on the hour for as long as the lights stayed on. The idea of that bothered me, as you might imagine it would if you were positioned directly underneath something that spontaneously burst into music regardless of how those beneath might feel.

I ENDED UP LOVING THIS CLOCK. Here's why:



Every hour on the hour, baby. SPROING!

What Time Is It? It's Still Frikkin' Christmas Time!

I Never Hallucinate This Good

My weekend pilgrimage to Monkeys for Helping always gives me fuel to face the world again, and one of the greatest things I've seen there recently was this Space Giants parody featuring Tim and Eric. I second Recon's wish that they'd make more of these, because this is pure greatness.

I Never Hallucinate This Good

The Great Latex Peril!

A while back my aunt saw Halloween cats and knew I'd love them, because...you know...I like cats. She they would give my guys an interesting story to tell, and in the time from when she sent them to me until the time I forgot to show her the video of their reactions, I based a comic on it and have finally uploaded the video for all the world to see.

Behold, The Great Peril, which had a much different working title.

I totally wanted to put the dramatic prairie dog sting over the bit at 2:10 where The Slinky One turns around and turns on the lasers. Alas, the bitrate of the sound file did not agree with anything.

The Great Latex Peril!

Ninja Bake Sale at Sundown

It is a little known fact that Ninja are excellent confectioners. Obviously they excel at all they do, but the traditional Ninja Bake Sale that takes place every autumn is unknown to many, even those who have attended year after year.

Perhaps you've been walking down the street, any given day after the end of Daylight Saving Time, and suddenly a cream puff begins melting in your mouth. Is it your cream puff? Odds are it's the result of many years' effort by a skilled master of pastry and death. So even if your pockets have been slashed and all the change removed, thank a ninja the next time a donut lodges in your windpipe some blustery day. They made them with love.

(This has been one of my late-night "WTH am I going to post next week?" posts. I made it with love. And throwing stars.)

Ninja Bake Sale at Sundown

Just The Thing A Vulgarian Like Me Requires!

All my life I've tried to be a proper lady, keeping my bra straps up and enunciating my swearing clearly. As if by magic, my Twittering was followed by the learned professorial blokes at English For Dirty Foreigners.



I feel less dirty already!

Just The Thing A Vulgarian Like Me Requires!

Meow Meow Mystery!

When the people who created Charlie The Unicorn put something out, you can bet it'll be so good I don't even have to think of anything to hype it. Because I'm watching it and can't think of anything right now. It's hilarious. Kittens and puppies, I give you Detective Mittens: The Crime Solving Cat.

Meow Meow Mystery!

We Could Make Twitter Sandwiches

This was part of tomorrow's rundown of the week until I realized it sort of rambles into its own life, and hey, day with no post, meet overflow from another post.

On Wednesday, I went about my usual routine lifelike activities until about 9PM, when I was suddenly possessed by a desire to fire up Twitter and post random thoughts about plumbers named Joe. After about 90 minutes of that, I closed Firefox and saw that I'd never finished the dialogue for my comic strip. Nothing else at all got done for those 90 minutes. It was a strange fugue, but I think the me of previous blogs would be happy that it happened, and that it probably will not happen again for at least four more years.

I am on the Twitter, you know. At twitter.com/LyndaN I welcome all followers and in return follow everyone but the Gatorade salesman. I even follow a dude from India who joined Twitter when he got an iPhone and made only four posts, one of which asked me, "u wanna do it?"

I replied to that tweet, I did. I don't think he liked what I said. I've recently started replying to spammers too, if they ask if I want to go on a date, I write back and ask if they want to clean my rain gutters. They never answer, possibly because they think I'm even freakier than they are.

We Could Make Twitter Sandwiches

I'm going to kiss you. No, not really, just play along.

Certain lucky friends I annoy on Facebook were already early-morning recipients of Ben Bernanke by those mad geniuses at Rojhelio Studios, because when I wake up too early, only madness can save me. However I was not pleased with the (lack of) response, and realize that I may have either shown a rather disturbing side of myself or I'm just really late to the party. Well, excuse me if I was busy watching the horse-masked naked chef all summer. It took that strong toxic mushroom dish to pull me away from Torgo.

The thing is, Dooce had considered it an excellent test of a relationship. And I was like, "YES! I will add this to the bizzare things I show people!"

So here it is. It's timely, yo. Don't make me spank you. ^_~

I'm going to kiss you. No, not really, just play along.

What The World Needs Now.

Think about it...

They've served in World War II, fought the legal system, rained down sulphur in Sodom and Gomorrah, and worked for the CIA.

They'll reform childcare, and make sure everyone gets a hundred-and-fifty grand education for a dollar-fifty in late charges at the public library.

They're for the working people, but if you don't live up to your potential, they'll f'ing kill you.

If that's not enough to convince you, even the first lady would have a load of foreign policy.



Need I say more?

Okay, I will. Kevin Smith for Secretary of Defense.



Eh? Eh? You know it could work.

Hi, my name is Lynda, I'm a silly person and I approve this message.

What The World Needs Now.