Really sorry about the Pope.

Remember kids, just because the grown-ups are taller it doesn't mean they're smart.

As a sort of Catholic person, I just want to quickly take a moment before I'm killed to say that Popes through the ages generally are like the crazy old dude in the neighborhood who doesn't like living next door to anyone who doesn't look exactly like himself, and doesn't want their daughters going out wearing those damned slutty turtlenecks. He honestly just does not get that what he's saying is totally wrong, and his kids aren't going to mess up a perfectly nice day calling him on it, because the truth is he's just repeating what he heard some other old dude say.

Manuel II Paleologus...not really all that hep on his history, that guy. Totally missed the news about the Crusades. Or else he knew, and was just one of those ball-busters like some of the old dudes of today who say Hitler really cleaned things up before he went all ape-shit.

Of course I wouldn't be writing about this unless I had a brilliant solution. I think it might be a good idea to put the Pope on a five-minute tape delay, maybe hire Dead Air Dave to ride the dump button, and possibly get a session or two in with Miss Manners. Or Madonna; I think Madonna might be able to talk some sense into the Pope. If all else fails, I hear Sinéad O'Connor is still interested in rescuing God from religion. I wish her luck.

Really sorry about the Pope.

A quick summary:

Material Girl is on the radio, but there is too much stuff in the way so I cannot roll my chair across the room anymore.

My firewall has been locking me out of teh internets, but I think I've figured out what's wrong.

I'm really, really busy, and have nothing to show for it.

I did write an ode, however:

Radiator, you're my friend;
when the Raynaud's starts,
you make it end.
Please don't fall through the floor and scald me.

A quick summary:

Sad news items.

Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm too old, too young, or just too picky.

Ricola, the cough drop company, is having a contest. They send a "mystery cougher" out onto the streets, and if you offer a Ricola to the right hacking stranger, you can win prizes. I suspect you can also win something if you get too close to coughing people who are not Ricola employees, but that might not be as fun.

...

Even I do not love MP3s so much that I would implant them in my boobs. Although I really would like to take the opportunity to get dibs on the names iTit, MP34-DD and the slogan "Music soothes the flat breasts." Mark my words, man-boobies will be in when these players hit the market.

...

The local news is going to hell fast. Today, on the five o'clock news, Diana Williams called the latest Star Wars video game "Battlefront Eleven"

...

On the WENN feed from IMDB.com, comes this nugget of wisdom:

Madonna Song Offends Rabbis
Pop superstar Madonna has provoked fierce criticism from Jewish leaders after dedicating a song on her new album to a 16th century Kabbalist rabbi. The controversial track "Isaac" draws on the life of Yitzhak Luria, a Jewish mystic, but rabbis are suspicious the Material Girl singer may be exploiting his name for profit. Madonna, who is Kabbalah follower herself, is no stranger to religious contention. Her 1984 single Like A Virgin sparked uproar amongst Christians after the raunchy music video featured a black Jesus Christ character. And Jewish elders are similarly unimpressed by her latest musical tribute, suggesting it could even prompt divine retribution. Rabbi Rafael Cohen, head of a seminary named after Luria, says, "Jewish law forbids the use of the name of the holy rabbi for profit. Her act is just simply unacceptable and I can only sympathize for her because of the punishment that she is going to receive from the heavens."

I know, I know...you're all too young to see the error in that one. So I'll just paste in the note I e-mailed to WENN:

On the Internet Movie Database's Movie & TV news story, "Madonna Song Offends Rabbis," you state that the video for Madonna's 1984 "Like A Virgin" featured a black Jesus Christ character. In fact, it was the 1989 "Like A Prayer" video that featured the black Jesus Christ character. "Like A Virgin" only had a man in a plush lion mask hitting on Madonna in a gondola.

As I recall, people were alarmed by the lion-plushie-man as well back in '84, but I didn't go into that.

Sad news items.