Saturday, May 31, 2008

Starting With A Bang And Ending With A Pfft.

Last weekend, I was staring at a cereal box, and it was staring back, and it started teling me to go see Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull. So...I did. We all did. It's Indy! The last time he was in theaters...well, I don't want to go back to that right now, but there's a new Indiana Jones movie! And we saw it! It was, as you might expect, really good (unless you don't go for that kind of thing, then I really can't help you). That's all I can say, because for once maybe everyone else hasn't gotten to see it before me. When you do get to see it, you'll understand why I thought of this watching the opening scene. *ahem*

Later that night, we watched Transformers, with that guy from the new Indiana Jones movie, and Optimus frikkin' Prime. I loved it. Possibly because I love Optimus Prime, possibly because I'm a child of the '80s, but also because the camerawork and editing didn't make me sick in any way, and that boggles my mind. That and I totally talk through my radio like Bumbleebee. *ahem*

The big event that is my car's yearly emissions inspection rolled around, and I wanted to do this last month, but I was alternately ill and we did it this, last possible, week. The night before it was horribly humid and I was looking forward to the mile walk back home and then to pick my car up afterwards about as much as I look forward to sticking my head into a barbecue. However, I do what I need to, and later snickered at the people who crossed the street to get away from me as I lurched up the street on my way home.

When I had to go back two days later to have the belts in the car changed (the official lie is that my car is so old it takes two days to inspect!), I decided to bring sunglasses for the walk home. No reason to terrify the locals, after all. I was reminded of the reason I never wear sunglasses when I was so busy staring crosseyed at the flickering of sun off the little screws that hold the frame on that I nearly walked into traffic...and then a pole. I took the sunglasses off after that.

My car--not a transformer, obviously--decided to play with me on Friday and die on a road that has all exits to the Thruway and trucks and crazy people that park like they're robbing banks. So the highlight of that day was meeting a tow truck driver named Pooran who totally save the day by hammering a penny down into the battery terminal connector. My cables were loose, which should surprise no one. I actually, at one point, because the heat and sun had melted my brain, followed Pooran around waving my arms and squeaking, "You're my hero!", he was, I'm not denying that, but I think he was happy to get the hell away from me.

Next week: We return to the garage to have the penny removed, and with any luck I'll have ten more, "I'm not on drugs, really," moments. Like when I tried to pay for the inspection with my Home Depot card. You may laugh, but the attendant took the card and swiped it without noticing at first, too. I am at home, here.

Friday, May 30, 2008

RIP Harvey Korman

Have I ever mentioned that I love the Star Wars Holiday Special? Yeah, well, one of the reasons for that was because I spent a great deal of childhood laughing at the Carol Burnett show, and so the news that the world lost Harvey Korman just plain stinks.

He was one of the great ones, kids. Watch and laugh:


Thursday, May 29, 2008

Addictions Have Changed, People Have Not.

There will be more on this Saturday, but as I was preparing to drag myself to the garage in the sun, Good Morning America was warning against the dangers of watching too much TV and playing too many videos games if you're of the age when you should do the proper thing and breed, then tell your kids not to do too much TV watching or video game playing.

They reminded everyone to "have a vibrant real life."

I'm too bloody tired to formulate a truly snarky response, and that, I think, says everything.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I Predict A Blockbuster.

Man, it's about time Minesweeper: The Movie is coming to theaters. I can't wait for Backgammon: The Musical, either.


Sunday, May 25, 2008

Star Wars

Do we need a reminder of how incredible lightsaber duels are?

Hell yes.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The May That Got Away.

I've been busy, and by "busy" I mean I have taken on more work than I am capable of doing in the amount of time given to me in this lifespan. Otherwise it would not have been noticable in real time. There wouldn't have been the blog equivalent of dead air for a few weeks and then a post explosion. These posts are dated where they ought to be, at least, and so this blog has a better sense of the passage of time than its author, who is doing the work of a 14-year-old, a thirty-somethingth-year-old, and a 78-year-old man.

I did get to see Kristi Yamaguchi win Dancing With The Stars, though, and my boy David Cook won Idol the next night. It made me happy, but next week, when those shows aren't on, I will get morose. But then So You Think You Can Dance started, and that's the new shiny thing I will watch while I work now. While listening to David Cook, because his voice makes me happy. Hey, it's the first year my entire family wanted the same person to win, Wednesday was like a billion parties in my head.

Then I had to work. And wash my car. And do some shopping. And mowing. My right shoulder has been on strike since the 3rd...of January, I think. It's a good thing I have another arm.

Which reminds me, a few weeks back, Nan found Fur: An Imaginary Portrait Of Diane Arbus, which a Twin Peaks kind of way, and some Casper Van Dien movie about terror on a boat. I rather preferred the Fur one, even though stuff blew up in the boat one. Had there been really hairy wigmakers and women who held feather dusters with their feet on the boat, I think a blockbuster would have emerged.

Speaking of blockbuster...Indy IV. Didn't see it yet. But I am not so far gone that I am not aware Jones has returned. Somehow not seeing a movie can also be a big event in my week.

At some point late Friday...early Saturday...somewhere in the fog of what happens to me after being exposed to sunlight and the demands of being a human with skills, I noticed Nan left on the Hugh Grant/Dennis Quaid movie American Dreamz. It's a dark comedy about a musical reality show. Part of the finale involves the song My Way, and I sat there flabbergasted, as it reminded me of something I did, a year before the movie came out. I checked, it was a year before. Great minds think alike, I guess? Is the song so obvious a choice?

This led to me disabling LeechBlock to hit Google as the sun rose behind me so I could see just how common my weird thoughts really are. At least I can console myself with the knowledge that my Galactic Idol came before Ned Beui's, and this Galactic Idol idea, and this really neat animated version. I wonder if maybe, years down the line, someone will Google me. Hmm.

I just feel like now I should add disclaimers to my comic, that my Darth Vader was singing the Sid Vicious version, and American Dreamz wasn't that great of a movie, so don't be thinking that's where I got my idea for Vader's big number. I never saw the movie until tonight. Things like that worry me about all the things I plan to do. Has someone else already done it, either better or more widely known, and I just don't know? I am losing and not even snoozing. Alas.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Deja Review All Over Again.

I am not immune to creating new movies out of the titles of these newfangled long-titled movies coming out. Behold, I was so happy when National Secrets: Book of Treasure came out on DVD. So happy that I didn't notice my brain was messing with me until it started trying to convince me Nick Cave and Anne Meara were somehow in the movie.

I have to entertain myself somehow.

National Treasure: Book Of Secrets was good. I really enjoyed it. So much so that we watched it two weeks in a row...and I lost an entire week someplace. What was I doing between watching National Treasure 2 and National Treasure 2?

Oh yeah, we finally got to see Die Hard 4. 4.0, it said in the credits. I liked all the other Die Hard movies, and I like just about everything Bruce Willis does, and I sometimes like movies that have insane stuff like cars hitting helicopters, particularly when Bruce Willis and the words Die Hard are involved. So yes, so outlandish stuff happens in the movie, but I'm not a snob. I like movies where stuff blows up. However, I think this movie should teach everyone a lesson about opening up your towers and vacumming the dust and C4 out sometimes. That stuff builds up.

And...I seemed to be working the rest of the time.

A Peanut Butter Cup For My Ears

This comes from my sister-in-Tom-Waits-love over on LJ, who also turned me onto Bukowski last year, and that I missed out on this when she first posted it was a disservice to myself, but I'm making up for it by showing it to everyone. (If you're on dial-up at least read the words, and then go listen to some Tom. His reading voice is actually quite calming.)

Check out this video: tom reads hank

(I have been working extra hard, and when I'm all done and caught up I will share highlights. None of the highlights involve me going on a Speed Racer-fueled nekkid rampage through the Botanical Garden, however, so don't get your hopes up. Yet.)

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Perspective On What I Find Entertaining.

Once, many weeks ago (I'm writing this in the future. Whoo.) we watched Untraceable, or as I took to calling it, "Only for you, Diane Lane." Actually, only for Nan, because she likes Diane Lane. It wasn't even the cyber crimes unit of the FBI not knowing how to cloak their IPs that bothered me either, no. This movie crossed my line. I have a line, you know. Yes. Of course in the movie, Diane Lane is also horrifed by the opening scene of the (get ready) cat murder, and I get the message the movie is trying to make about watching things over and over that should not be entertaining, and that is why I won't watch the movie again. Ever. Because even if I'd taken a drink every time someone dropped a backdoor trojan into something, or someone thought to blink Morse code while they were dying horrifically and a webcam picked up every dot and dash, I still would have thought the movie was a let down.

Nancy Drew was better than Untraceable. How can this be? I think you know. But not only that, Nancy Drew got me reading books with twenty chapters all by myself back in the day, so Nancy's my girl. I'm also a fan of the Bonita Granville version of Nancy Drew and the 1978 TV series was like...I have audio tapes of some of those shows and I'm not afraid to admit it. I wanted the trap door in our living room to go somewhere, man. Nancy Drew is wired into my brain and therefore maybe I'm a bit partial when I say I frikkin' loved this new Nancy Drew movie.

Then I got a job and have been working ever since. Around the same time, it rained a lot. My lawn...grew high. All sorts of things grew and became unkempt. -_-

Friday, May 09, 2008

He's Off And Flyin'

I read an article where Speed Racer is expected to do well with older women. The writer of the article felt the need to point out that meant moms, but you know, it doesn't. It just means there were probably a lot of girls in the '70s and '80s who spent a great deal of time watching Speed Racer, and let Speed hide out in their homes when he was on the run from the car acrobatic team. And because Speed Racer wasn't really there had to leave in a hurry, many of them are still childless to this day. has interviews up with Emile Hirsch, Matthew Fox, and Christina Ricci, and...that's it. I'm not going out of my way to read another thing about the movie until I see it. Because I'm going to love it, psychadelia and all.

Go see Speed Racer. If it does well, there may be a sequel.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Recipes Of The Weird: Cereal Mash-Ups

The other night, we had cereal for dinner because Mum's been making these big meals like, a potato and some red beans, and dammit I was full. Nan too. In the house, we have three types of cereal: Rice Krispies, Special K with Red Berries, and the almond style Honey Bunches of Oats.

We put all three in our bowls. We created Honey Bunches of Special Krispies. And it was good.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Burning Question for 5/7/08

I realize I've been into the allergy medicine a bit much, many other people have heard Shania Twain sing the AC/DC song You Shook Me All Night Long?

Saturday, May 03, 2008

The Slow Degradation of Time

Saturday's big movie with the popcorn and all was Elizabeth: The Golden Age, because Nan loves Cate Blanchett, Geoffrey Rush and Clive Owen. Clive Owen is very nice-looking in this movie. I'm not usually one to knock a movie, so I'll just say I was expecting Gandalf or a Kraken to appear any minute. Also there is a scene at the end that reminded me of the Eurythmics video Here Comes The Rain Again. It may not be worth watching the movie just to see what I mean.

On Sunday, choosing a movie to see was interesting. We have a few of them sitting around that we haven't seen yet, you know. Sure. Two of these movies are Atonement and Enchanted. I now give you a brief, edited excerpt of choosing a movie to see on Sunday, or what I like to call the reason I probably won't even keep writing about the movies we watch much longer.

(The mass on EWTN is blasting away in the background as Nan looks at the written list I keep because I still don't have much of a voice. Also, Mum has some sort of cold or something that makes her sneeze and be evil.)

Nan: I guess Enchantment.

Me: Wh--

Mum: Yeah, Atonement's fine.

Me: Enchanted or Atonement?

Nan: They're the only long ones.

Me: We've still got Die Hard 4.

Nan: I want to see something light.

(It is then I realize she must want Enchantment.)

Nan: Enactment.

Me: Enchanted?

Mum: I think she said Atonement.

(At this point, the mass Nan is watching on TV has been ruined. I go upstairs to set up Enchanted, because I'm feeling particularly evil.)

Enchanted, however, was really really good. I don't know what's wrong with me. There was singing, was a Disney movie. But I...enjoyed it.

So then we watched Paula Abdul hallucinate an entire Jason Castro concert. I really can't add anything to that, because I swear I saw Biggs visit Luke on Tatooine in Star Wars back in 1980. I always thought "Reality" was the wrong term for any show involving tense music and flashing lights, anyway. Although this has been my reality since 1984, so maybe I am Paula Abdul.

On Wednesday, Nan found The Last Supper a movie with Annabeth Gish and Cameron Diaz in it. I was in the middle of the effects of exposure to "moderate" tree pollen and so I happened to be looking up at the ceiling when I heard Bill Paxton turn into the far extreme right wing of the Internet. I ended up looking at the screen like, "WHAT WHAT WHAT?" for the next hour and a half. Because, like Eating Raoul this movie was crazy fun that gives me hope that someday, my weird-ass scribblings will find an audience.

Nan noted that it must be killing night when she found the end of Six Ways To Sunday, and it was more far out, artsy, graphic killing and er, hey! Deborah Harry!

I needed those two movies, you know. Because I have too much time to think the things I've written will never have an audience while I'm busy doing things that take me from my writing.

On Thursday I discovered my allergy was actually the cold Mum had, and Nan caught it too, so in addition to working on all those things I do, I'm sicker than usual again. Also, I have been taking psuedoephedrine-laced drugs so I can function, which means any day now you ought to see me in a bell tower somewhere, firing my Lego Stormtrooper arm at people. The only reason I haven't done it yet is because I'm trying to find a string long enough to reel the arm back in so I don't have to keep going up and down stairs to retrieve it, because if there's one thing that kills a homicidal rage, it's the prospect of having to climb stairs.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Do You Like Vampires?

Are you jonesing for a new series to...sink your teeth into? (Okay, I'm on allergy medicine, that felt really witty to me.)

The first book telling the tale of S. Roit's friends Trey, Michel and Gabriel, Paris Immortal, went on sale yesterday.

I can't add anything to that, it's just freakin' awesome. I got all soppy just posting this.