Friday, July 29, 2005

Attempting to blend in.

I watched a few episodes of Arrested Development tonight while I was deleting mail (I swear, deleting seems to be all I do, more than reading) and the show amused me. It is rare that I like a television show that lasts more than 12 episodes (I liked Manimal and Double Trouble, fer crying out loud), so if I ever get a chance to watch it again, I probably will. I could always let my e-mail amass until whatever night the show is on...that might work.


No, the Kitchen Witch's new outfit is going great, I'm slipcovering her--she was wearing black, red and gray, which were the color of our kitchen some 15 years ago. Long has our witch waited in the basement to get hung again. That...just sounded wrong.

"Goody MacGowan, you have been found guilty of kitcheny witchery and will hang from the ceiling until your thread breaks. May God have mercy on your black, red and grey soul."


Um. Okay, could be heatstroke.

I also saw a commercial for Battlestar Galactica last night during Rebirth of Mothra 3, so I have now seen some Battlestar Galactica. Yay, me!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Not sure if I'd want to be Obi-Wan, or be hit by Obi-Wan.

Why didn't my school ever play games like this?


Something I've wanted to do for a while.

Many months back, I thought I'd do what I do best, and come here to heckle the news. Not the real news, because it's not too funny these days, and even if I find some parts of it funny, that could just be my exposure to metals at a young age laughing.

Some of this goes back so far that it's not even in my memory banks anymore, but hey.

Tom Cruise

You wrecked Interview with the Vampire, man. Stop it, for the love of your Xenu and all that's holy in the world! Killing Oprah doesn't even come close to making up for it!

Saddam Hussein not liking Froot Loops

Aww, that's sad. Just think, if all the world could have their favorite cereals, maybe everyone wouldn't be big grumpyheads!

The 'slump' in the summer box office

See the previous two comments above, add lack of Harrison Ford movies, stir. Seriously, though, I had to assure the parents of 13-year-old that there wasn't any blood and gore in the Fantastic Four before they'd let her go see it. The parents, I can only assume, got to see at least one Nightmare on Elm Street in "their day" and are now overcompensating to the max. Stop it, people, before you raise a generation of people that will only want to make movies about asparagus.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas -- now with added S-E-X!

That is, tragically, the closest some gamers have probably ever gotten to...ah, I'm stereotyping. What do I know? I mean, it's not like I even can get near San Andreas on eBay. *cough*

Softball being taken out of the Olympics

I totally had to sit through China vs. Japan during the Athens games just to see some Table Tennis. Now, I bet I'll have to endure Water Polo. Someday, man...someday Table Tennis will get the respect it deserves and have the whole overnight show to itself.

Sony paying radio stations to play Celine Dion.

Somehow, I knew this. WPLJ would occasionally spin Cyndi Lauper's version of I Drove All Night, and for that, I was glad Celine Dion remade it. It's because of Dion's remake that Lauper's 1989 remake got popular on the '80s request shows again, and I love Cyndi Lauper.

Which brings me to this:

Faith No More's I'm Easy in a Levi's commercial.

Ten years ago, I used to annoy radio stations -- a certain radio station, anyway -- to play me a song. No, not Misty, but Faith No More's remake of I'm Easy. The station played the song once, during an alphabetical history of modern rock. I waited until 5am to tape the song off the radio that night. NOW, the blasted song's going to be popular to a bunch of new kids, and they'll all think they discovered Mike Patton, and I will have to track all these children down and make them listen to Mr. Bungle. Maybe I'll just wait until cooler weather.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Take this season and shove it.

I say, does anyone know a method of raccoon deterrent? Besides one involving a firearm, as I do not have one at my disposal. I do, however, have cats with radar, and they knew the thing was coming over the fence a full ten minutes before I did. Crikey.

All is now well, and the doors are locked, just in case the raccoon wanted to watch TV.


Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I'm not entirely sure how large groups of humans survived as long as they did.

I feel that Fox's So You Think You Can Dance was a deferred success. Yeah, that's right...I said deferred success. You know why? Because the Professional Association of Teachers in Britain has said that telling a student they've failed can put them off learning for life, and want a new word for failure. I just wanted to try the phrase out a few times, see if sounded less frightening after longterm use. It does not. I start envisioning bars full of people telling the bartender, "I'm such a deferred success story."

I got more entertainment out of that story than the bad dancers, however, because Fox didn't highlight the really bad dancers enough. I guess the lawsuits from American Idol have scared them off showcasing the really scary people.

Or many I'm just burnt. I went to the store for potato salad, and I didn't recognize the woman that lives behind us. I said it was because I usually see her from far away and laughed, but the truth is my neighbors--with the exception of the the guy who walks his Jack Russell terrier Alexis--look different every time I see them. It's like when they replaced Frisco on General Hospital, Nan and I watched for one hour and never realized the new guy was supposed to be Frisco. Crazy. I only watched General Hospital during the Luke/Laura saga, really. The whole Aztec treasure arc with Jack Wagner sort of sprang from that, and I never watched anymore after I discovered Inspector Gadget.

There are reasons I don't watch much television anymore, and I think I've outlined many of them here. It's just too sad to look back on. Years from now, I will remember Nancy Grace and laugh. Or cry.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I am unsure how I will ever get anything done.

Between my cramped drawing arm (oh, that's not good), dizzy migraines and rumbly tumbly, I think I shall need to learn to draw by telekinesis and write by telepathy. In the meantime, I have to go.

(One Night In Bangkok is played on the radio more than most ABBA songs...why is that?)

Monday, July 18, 2005

Check me out! I could work for CNN!

Never mind. *embarrassed cough* Well, at least we all know I wasn't still awake at 7AM, so I'm making some progress.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must watch Michael Palin wander around Asia. At least I know that is, in fact, what he is doing.

I anticipate pandemonium.

Howard Stern is no longer on FM radio. As of this morning, his timeslot on K-Rock in NY has been filled by David Lee Roth, formerly of Van Halen. I was a little surprised--as was Stern, by the sound of the phone call he made to Roth's show--that there was no goodbye show after 20-something years, but then, that's the way Infinity does things. I think the only stations I ever heard do official farewell broadcasts were WNEW-AM, WPAT and WLIR, when they left 92.7, so why should one show get the honor? I know generally DJs are fired after they get off the air so they don't flip out ninja-style on-air, but for Stern to just disappear without so much as one last farting sound from so many's rather rude.

I wasn't actually a die-hard Stern fan, but as a kid I thought Fartman was hilarious, so I'll miss the silliness. But not much, because I shouldn't actually be awake at 6AM. One less reason to stay awake. Hear that, my hyper little brain? There's no one on the radio to listen to at that hour anymore. The end. But, I digress.

I haven't gone to the Radio Info NY board yet, but I'm heading over there as soon as I post this. I'm expecting at least one negative comment about the issue. Ha. Get a bunch of radio geeks together on a message board, and together they will like nothing.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Acronyms that steal my time.

(guys...I apologize ahead of time. This is what most of my posts would be like if I just posted off the top of my head.)

DSL--get working and stop losing sync in the middle of my research.

PMS--Gimme back the last twenty years of my life, bitch!

Okay, no point writing anymore as I'm sure I just drove everyone away.

Wait, come back! I did get to mow the lawn today, as it wasn't raining, and now all the bees will have to go hide someplace else. Oh, and my seven-foot-tall euonymus all have scale. While I'm pissed off about that, it does explain why hosing all the plants down with milk last year didn't do a thing to help. When the "powdery mildew" bleeds upon being crushed, it is not powdery mildew. Learn from my mistake, people.

Does anyone use pokeweed for lettuce? Did anyone expire after ingesting pokeweed lettuce? Would you like some pokeweed? I have it growing where it doesn't belong (everywhere) and maybe I need to send it all farther away than the garbage dump, because it keeps coming back and now it's in my roses, and I ain't going in there after it. It won. *sigh*

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

All the things I could go on about and I just write the first thing that comes to mind.

Bay Plaza sure looks different up close. Or rather, it looks a lot less cluttered from the other side of the Mini-Golf Driving Range.

I should come clean about something...I don't go out often, and I drive even less often. I used to, but the migraines--among other things--were more annoying than the outings were fun, so I stayed at home and had fun. Saved some money that way, too.

Sadly, the A&P up the road has closed due to a "shift to a non-union distributor" and so I now need to forage for food in another location. The next closest would be Stop & Shop, the other half of that legendary merger "Stop & P."

Keep in mind I stopped going out around the same time that I got my driver's license. I find this humorous now, so you can join me in a hearty laugh at the way things work. ha...ha...hmm.

There are entire malls that have been built in the time since I first said "Ya know, you all go on without me." I no longer know the way around my own neighborhood. There's basically two roads I know really well, and this is The Bronx, there are way more than two roads to anything in this area. I should be ashamed of myself, I know. However, I'm not, I'm kinda grateful I don't have to do a lot of the main roads with the buses and the various construction trucks, because I fear vehicles that are ten times larger than me.

I had thought to myself this morning that I was a wuss compared to say, the crew of Discovery. I mean, they could potentially explode at numerous points in their trip, and all I need to do is avoid buses and sunlight. So with that in mind I set off on my journey and didn't find out until later that the bleedin' shuttle didn't even go up today. Bah.

This entirely long lead-up ends with the news that I reached the parking lot of Stop & Shop, agreed with my mum that I now know how to get there, decided we don't need anything today, and went home. I only passed Bay Plaza, which is a serious traffic jam claiming to be a mall. I'd been to Bay Plaza a few times in the late '80s, when it was first built...I think I bought a Dogloo in the Rickel's 1995...I saw The Phantom Menace there in '99...crikey, I really haven't been out much.

I'm happy to report that almost everyone in The Bronx owns really pretty color cars, though. I got to see several as I drove around asking "do I turn here?" like Sandra Bullock behind the wheel of a speeding bus.

No clue what's going in the A&P building yet, they better put something good in there.

(Many '80s songs played during the writing of this babble. Yay, Psych Furs!)