Burning Question 4/30/07

Why's that guy's name Puss-Feller in Dr. No? How...how'd he get that name?

Burning Question 4/30/07

Every Day Is Ninja Terminator Day

It's a shame Ninja Terminator was only a movie and not a TV series. I would have watched every episode. I probably would have taped them, too.

Watch the Ninja Terminator as he gets messed up messages from phones which are unplugged, prepares drunken crab, or the exciting conclusion. Then relive it all over again with the trailer!









I first saw these on Monkeys For Helping, one of my lifelines.

Every Day Is Ninja Terminator Day

Three is Twice as Ineffective as One.

I feel like I'm repeating myself when I say I don't sleep. I've blogged about it before, in many places, and there really is nothing to be found in blogging about sleep problems other than a record that the sleep problem did in fact occur, and it was such a slow news day that it seemed an interesting topic at the time.

I can't honestly call it a slow news day, I know, there's a lot going on in the world. But I don't care about that, because I don't sleep.

People who helpfully offer quick fixes for my insomnia do not have my kind of industrial-strength ability to just not sleep for months at a time, so telling me to go for a walk will result in me asking if insomnia means that one night where the garbage collection was too noisy, and depending on how long it's been since I slept, I may throw in a few words that aren't cleared for public broadcasting. Because I understand I could end up in prison, I will not use violence. Still, I'm just gonna stop you here and say it won't help. Whatever it is, I've done it, it won't help.

Benadryl, the current antihistamine of the world, contains the same ingredient as mild sleeping pills. People take Benadryl when they can't sleep, or give it to their children for the same reason. Last night I took a lot of Benadryl. I laid there in sleep stage 1 for two hours, and then I noticed I was itchy.

Those two hours were not enough, Benadryl alone is not enough to bring peace. The experiment was a failure.

Next week: Testing the air-speed velocity of an unladen rake, when used in bee-herding.

Three is Twice as Ineffective as One.

Reality Check

I watch American Idol and Dancing With The Stars. I've watched Idol since Clay Aiken sang Grease on Bee Gees week, and on a good day I can tell you who was on the past two seasons of Dancing.

Do I consider myself the target audience for these shows? Hell no. Sara Evans dancing the Pasa Doble to Phantom of the Opera damn near killed me, but I grew stronger, and of course Scissor Sisters were a guest last year and that helped.

This season, Joey Fatone danced a tango to Meco's Star Wars theme, and it wasn't bad, and dammit, I'm man enough to admit that. I very nearly regret seeking out Christopher Cross to destroy //\//*Sync five years ago. Fatone's a fan. He wore a padawan braid. He knows what a padawan braid is and isn't ashamed to admit it, and he didn't let a little thing like the sound of millions of fanboys crying out in terror at the idea of him taking part in the biggest movie series ever put him off that fandom, and that's the way to live.

I'll pretend watching television shows is why I haven’t posted much lately. Really. Nothing at all to do with my body taking extended breaks to go find itself and my brain getting that second job as a whirligig. Tonight’s two-hour American Idol promises to be extra scary fun, so don’t expect me to recover until next Monday.

Reality Check

Cash In The Trash

Who the hell came up with the term Cash in the Trash? I've seen two equally irritating commercials on TV that brag that before these products, everyone was doing things that amounted to cash in the trash. (I feel like there should be a chord or two of horror music there).

Billy Mays screams that his super towels prevent cash in the trash in the form of cleaning up things people waste paper towels on, like apparently dog vomit (I swear, watch the commercial next time it's on), but the first place I noticed it said was in a commercial for some kind of can topper that turns soda cans into color-coded bottles with cups that double as coasters, and lets parents give old, flat, spit in soda to their kids again and again without having to open a new can.

Yeah, you heard me, its not bad enough kids have to get hooked on soda in the first place, now if they're gonna drink that crap, they're gonna drink all of it.

I don't know about you, but in my paternal grandfather's days, the crap he'd bring home would furnish his house...well, I think it did, I don't really know much about him except that he was dressed up in women's clothes in a photo and he could talk but just didn't, so until Nan started talking to him one time and he answered, no one really knew he spoke.

But my point is that ratty old paper towels and half-drunk soda doesn't strike me as cash in the trash so much as an environmental disaster. Plus, ad dudes, why are you throwing the soda in the garbage? Cans go into the recycling, dumbasses. NOW where are you putting that cash? Or, like we have to, take the tinny bastards back to the store, and MAKE MONEY off them. Cash? My trash? Hell no. I want my five bucks and not your spitty old soda, so step off mah can.

I can only imagine the next products "Cash in the Trash" will be used for. Super absorbent lady products? Oh, I wanna see Billy Mays hawk that.

The author would like to note that she has used paper towels and drinks exactly one can of soda a day--two on the weekend--and is a firm believer in the magic that is Orange Glo...just not for cars. Never for cars.

Cash In The Trash