Monday, April 23, 2007

Cash In The Trash

Who the hell came up with the term Cash in the Trash? I've seen two equally irritating commercials on TV that brag that before these products, everyone was doing things that amounted to cash in the trash. (I feel like there should be a chord or two of horror music there).

Billy Mays screams that his super towels prevent cash in the trash in the form of cleaning up things people waste paper towels on, like apparently dog vomit (I swear, watch the commercial next time it's on), but the first place I noticed it said was in a commercial for some kind of can topper that turns soda cans into color-coded bottles with cups that double as coasters, and lets parents give old, flat, spit in soda to their kids again and again without having to open a new can.

Yeah, you heard me, its not bad enough kids have to get hooked on soda in the first place, now if they're gonna drink that crap, they're gonna drink all of it.

I don't know about you, but in my paternal grandfather's days, the crap he'd bring home would furnish his house...well, I think it did, I don't really know much about him except that he was dressed up in women's clothes in a photo and he could talk but just didn't, so until Nan started talking to him one time and he answered, no one really knew he spoke.

But my point is that ratty old paper towels and half-drunk soda doesn't strike me as cash in the trash so much as an environmental disaster. Plus, ad dudes, why are you throwing the soda in the garbage? Cans go into the recycling, dumbasses. NOW where are you putting that cash? Or, like we have to, take the tinny bastards back to the store, and MAKE MONEY off them. Cash? My trash? Hell no. I want my five bucks and not your spitty old soda, so step off mah can.

I can only imagine the next products "Cash in the Trash" will be used for. Super absorbent lady products? Oh, I wanna see Billy Mays hawk that.

The author would like to note that she has used paper towels and drinks exactly one can of soda a day--two on the weekend--and is a firm believer in the magic that is Orange Glo...just not for cars. Never for cars.


Wigwam Jones said...

I would like to do an insult to the person of Billy Mays.

Ari said...

Ohh man, this post made me laugh..... "cash in the trash" and the ironic avoidance of it may be the pursuit of the week.... :D