Hey Britney? When you're done designing baby clothes, design a good stick-on lady-part cover.

My family has taken to leaving Jeopardy! on rather than hear me add headlines to the "entertainment" news. You know the shows, they all look and sound alike, some even hype each other by saying things like, "The details you didn't hear on Extra!"

At least, I think it might be my fault they changed the station. Then again, I've been embellishing for as many years as those shows have been on, so it could be that there's some ghastly story going on that they don't want me to know about. Has Donny Osmond eaten kittens to retain his youthful looks? He better not, I saw him walking around once, so he's in my cool book, even if I did accidentally break the leg off my Ken as Donny Osmond doll. I didn't mean to, and I sincerely hope that no Osmonds were injured around 1980. Otherwise my powers were totally out of control that day and I apologize.

I also apologize to anyone who clicks on the following link, because I don't recommend clicking it.

The flashy entertainment shows have fixated on Britney Spears lately, or rather her lack of underwear in a paparazzi photo. Never mind that the guy with the camera is actually the reason for the picture, never mind that those damn slinky dresses show off every panty line if you do wear any, the sight of celebrity naughty bits is big news, and who am I to stop it?

Except that it reminds me of the statue, and I need to forget the statue. (Quite possibly not safe for work, unless you work in obstetrics, and then this is nothing compared to work, I'm sure.)

Today I got a spam poll, asking me where I thought Britney Spears' panties were. It brought the image of the statue back to mind, and I really have no other way to deal with my feelings than to show it to all of you, and if you look, you too can say, "This is not news," when Pat O'Brien or Mary Hart go wondering what kind of sluttery is at hand in the land of the famous.

Hey Britney? When you're done designing baby clothes, design a good stick-on lady-part cover.