Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Dear neighbor,
On this somber holiday, when many of your other neighbors are out remembering fallen soldiers with barbecues and music that has a throbbing bassline, please refrain from whipping out your weedwhacker at 6PM. It's a noisy bastard, and the pollen you fly into the air makes at least four of your neighbors die slow, painful deaths.
I know you could be doing something more fun, like throwing that baseball of yours against my fence until the pickets loosen and fall on my cats, so think twice before inspiring the rest of the assholes down the street to mow their lawns during dinner.
That reminds me, for a lawn the size yours seems to be, perhaps a mower might be more handy. Those are like large weedwhackers on wheels, they cover a larger area and don't have the nasty side effect of vibro-hand. Unless, of course, you like that sort of thing.
Thank you,
The late, loud, small girl who lived behind you until you made her die.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Taylor Hicks: Patroling the soul of America this summer.
All I can think of at this moment is that several members of my family are going to kill me for my endless Taylor Hicks victory dance jokes.
Whoever wrote those two singles for the finalists ought to be shot, because both songs are horrid, but Kathrine's Evanescence-style "I'm desperate, that's why I'm with you," song was exceptionally bad. Nothing new for Idol finalist songs, but I have the feeling the crappy song finished her chances of being all over every radio station for infinity for at least a year.
Oh Taylor, make me proud...win over the hearts of everyone who wants to kill me right now. Sound good on your records, kids.
If Dionne Warwick and Prince were any indication, everyone should sound better once they're off that show. Holy crap, what happened to the mics? It was the mics, I'm sure. The batteries died in Dionne Warwick's mic. Or Burt Bacharach ate them. Or Dionne's been hanging out with ner neice, and...and...why does American Idol have established artists on there? You're in heckle mode, then Dionne Warwick comes out, and all you hear is the last "FoooOOOooorrrrrrhhhhhch."
I can't wait until 2013, when the American Idol battle of the champions starts. Hell, they could just do it now with all the international Idols.
So You Think So Can Dance? starts again next week. Oh boy! Taylor could win that too.
Monday, May 22, 2006
How to stay young.
No, eating right won't save you, neither will laying off the mind-altering drugs.
Living with a puppy, however, is guaranteed to keep you running 20 hours a day, full blast, until nothing you ever did means anything, because all is puppiness. And kittens, because spending equal love time with the siblings is like, even more important that washing or brushing teeth.
This is Macadamia. (That's her screen name, and as far as the Internet goes, until she's old enough to come on here and start hooking up with boys, that's what I'm calling her.)
Look into the eyes...they will paralyze you with the wave of cute...just before she eats you. To be fair, she only eats her immediate family humans, and not as much as she has in the past. My bruises are even fading.
The folks at North Shore Animal League told us she's a terrier/lab mix. Which pretty much means all the springiness of a Jack Russell, in the soon-to-be 40-pound body of a Labrador Retriever. I'm pretty sure she also has 53,000 other dogs in her lineage, and I pray none of them were insane. Honestly, I can't even say that for my own lineage, so why do I expect the puppy to know why she doesn't like other people or even like going outside of her backyard?
Oh yeah, she's my puppy. We wuv her.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
And the winner is....
I predict Taylor Hicks will win American Idol. Not because I want him to go, but because I bloody like the man. If only he would have sung Ol' 55 or Heart of a Saturday Night.... *sigh*
Elliott Yamin's all well and good, but if he fell down on stage, it might not be deliberate, and that would be upsetting. Katharine McPhee is probably the most deserving woman to be in the top 3 of Idol since Kelly Clarkson, but y'know...Taylors don't come along every season. Who else has their own Pac-Man clone?
Go Taylor, you crazy dancing white-haired boy.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Self-absorbed blogger runs out of things to complain about, Internet grinds to a halt.
I went in search of amusement and discovered that THQ, maker of the Where's Waldo? video game, is planning to release a video game based on the Sopranos.
From my experience with Where's Waldo? I deduce that this game will have nothing on the Grand Theft Auto series. Unless there's a man with three legs involved, I don't see what THQ can bring to the mafia turf war genre. The snappy accordion music from Where's Waldo? might be out of place as well.
Where's Big Pussy? by THQ -- coming Fall 2006.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Domo OMG!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Observation of the day, 5/2/06:
I found myself hoping Chris Daughtry would win American Idol, only because he sang a song I had never heard anyone on Idol sing before. Chris Daughtry, you're no Jek Porkins, but you rock.
(The opinion expressed in this post may not be that of the author should Chris Daughtry choose a song she doesn't like in the coming weeks. The author wuvs all the Idols, and would like top 5 to know they're all winners in her ears.)
Monday, May 01, 2006
A musical present for you (and you know who you are).
So I found this copy of the Toad The Wet Sprocket song, Walk On The Ocean on an old CD of mine, and I don't know what to do with it....*coughing fit* I don't want to meet any of the nice feds who circle my house in their helicopters this week, as I am out of tea biscuits and would nave nothing to feed them.
Instead, here's a Tom Waits video.