Dear neighbor,

On this somber holiday, when many of your other neighbors are out remembering fallen soldiers with barbecues and music that has a throbbing bassline, please refrain from whipping out your weedwhacker at 6PM. It's a noisy bastard, and the pollen you fly into the air makes at least four of your neighbors die slow, painful deaths.

I know you could be doing something more fun, like throwing that baseball of yours against my fence until the pickets loosen and fall on my cats, so think twice before inspiring the rest of the assholes down the street to mow their lawns during dinner.

That reminds me, for a lawn the size yours seems to be, perhaps a mower might be more handy. Those are like large weedwhackers on wheels, they cover a larger area and don't have the nasty side effect of vibro-hand. Unless, of course, you like that sort of thing.

Thank you,
The late, loud, small girl who lived behind you until you made her die.

Dear neighbor,