Taylor Hicks: Patroling the soul of America this summer.

All I can think of at this moment is that several members of my family are going to kill me for my endless Taylor Hicks victory dance jokes.

Whoever wrote those two singles for the finalists ought to be shot, because both songs are horrid, but Kathrine's Evanescence-style "I'm desperate, that's why I'm with you," song was exceptionally bad. Nothing new for Idol finalist songs, but I have the feeling the crappy song finished her chances of being all over every radio station for infinity for at least a year.

Oh Taylor, make me proud...win over the hearts of everyone who wants to kill me right now. Sound good on your records, kids.

If Dionne Warwick and Prince were any indication, everyone should sound better once they're off that show. Holy crap, what happened to the mics? It was the mics, I'm sure. The batteries died in Dionne Warwick's mic. Or Burt Bacharach ate them. Or Dionne's been hanging out with ner neice, and...and...why does American Idol have established artists on there? You're in heckle mode, then Dionne Warwick comes out, and all you hear is the last "FoooOOOooorrrrrrhhhhhch."

I can't wait until 2013, when the American Idol battle of the champions starts. Hell, they could just do it now with all the international Idols.

So You Think So Can Dance? starts again next week. Oh boy! Taylor could win that too.

Taylor Hicks: Patroling the soul of America this summer.