Dear Summer 2006,

You haven't even begun, and already you're pissing me off. Don't get me wrong, I know it's not really your fault, it's the lack of trees, and the over abundance of really big cars, and the smokestacks that give neighborhoods like mine mercury poisoning, but you're easier to blame. You're the one who everyone agrees is the cause of the high temperature that can be measured by that crappy old weather station in the corner of my yard.

It should not be 80° at midnight, didn't anyone tell you that? Anyone who says it's okay to leave the heater on past 9 o'clock at night is quite obviously a sadist with perfectly functioning organs.

Also, these things that follow you, like the progressive bee flies. What is that about? The sheets of cobweb I keep walking through are not entertaining either, and the bat cannot eat the mosquitoes fast enough.

Is it a deal you've worked out with Con Ed? You make it nearly impossible for people to survive without consuming mass quantities of electrical power, and who benefits from that?

I humbly request that you leave your duties to your allies, spring and autumn, and leave the world in the cool peace they've known up until now.

Sincerely,
The small dehydrated thing slapping insects away under the hedge.

P.S. Tell that winter pal of yours to quit fooling my trees into thinking January is the proper time to bloom.

Dear Summer 2006,