How to kill me.

Or at least, give me a reaction similar to that of Clark Kent having his underoos laundered with kryptonite fabric softener.

Xtra Nice 'n Fluffy Mountain Rain Fabric Softener dryer sheets are of the devil. Either that, or they're infused with holy water and I am the vampire everyone has thought for so long. Tragically, I discovered the problem after putting on my pajamas. Oh yeah, and changing my undies, but that's just too much information, that.

Mace and pepper spray are illegal in NY as far as I know, but from here on, everyone wishing to ward me off, carry one of those dryer sheets and rub it into my face when I get too dangerous. It will take me roughly 12 hours to recover, and that's after the use of much water and allergy medication.

The ingredients on the box of dryer sheets says only that it contains "Fabric softening agents" and "Fragrance." At first, I thought it was just the fragrance, because perfume kills me (it does--the voodoo doctor is getting sick of reanimating me) but then, the hives were new. I have written a letter to Church & Dwight, asking what exactly the "agents" are. I don't expect an answer, but still, I needed to question someone, because the universe has given up answering my questions.

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There are no Arrested Development episodes on tonight at 8. I'm sad, but I'm sure I'll find something to do while I wait for the 9th. The 9th. *sniffle*

How to kill me.