Thursday, July 28, 2005

Something I've wanted to do for a while.

Many months back, I thought I'd do what I do best, and come here to heckle the news. Not the real news, because it's not too funny these days, and even if I find some parts of it funny, that could just be my exposure to metals at a young age laughing.

Some of this goes back so far that it's not even in my memory banks anymore, but hey.

Tom Cruise

You wrecked Interview with the Vampire, man. Stop it, for the love of your Xenu and all that's holy in the world! Killing Oprah doesn't even come close to making up for it!

Saddam Hussein not liking Froot Loops

Aww, that's sad. Just think, if all the world could have their favorite cereals, maybe everyone wouldn't be big grumpyheads!

The 'slump' in the summer box office

See the previous two comments above, add lack of Harrison Ford movies, stir. Seriously, though, I had to assure the parents of 13-year-old that there wasn't any blood and gore in the Fantastic Four before they'd let her go see it. The parents, I can only assume, got to see at least one Nightmare on Elm Street in "their day" and are now overcompensating to the max. Stop it, people, before you raise a generation of people that will only want to make movies about asparagus.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas -- now with added S-E-X!

That is, tragically, the closest some gamers have probably ever gotten to...ah, I'm stereotyping. What do I know? I mean, it's not like I even can get near San Andreas on eBay. *cough*

Softball being taken out of the Olympics

I totally had to sit through China vs. Japan during the Athens games just to see some Table Tennis. Now, I bet I'll have to endure Water Polo. Someday, man...someday Table Tennis will get the respect it deserves and have the whole overnight show to itself.

Sony paying radio stations to play Celine Dion.

Somehow, I knew this. WPLJ would occasionally spin Cyndi Lauper's version of I Drove All Night, and for that, I was glad Celine Dion remade it. It's because of Dion's remake that Lauper's 1989 remake got popular on the '80s request shows again, and I love Cyndi Lauper.

Which brings me to this:

Faith No More's I'm Easy in a Levi's commercial.

Ten years ago, I used to annoy radio stations -- a certain radio station, anyway -- to play me a song. No, not Misty, but Faith No More's remake of I'm Easy. The station played the song once, during an alphabetical history of modern rock. I waited until 5am to tape the song off the radio that night. NOW, the blasted song's going to be popular to a bunch of new kids, and they'll all think they discovered Mike Patton, and I will have to track all these children down and make them listen to Mr. Bungle. Maybe I'll just wait until cooler weather.


xodiaq said...

Not only that there's a show called "Dirty Jobs" and they show all the worlds dirtiest, stinkiest jobs, like sewer technicians and stuff, and they use "We Care Alot" by Faith No More because of the "its a dirty job, but some ones gotta do it" chorus part.

That rocks, even if Mike Patton wasn't the singer back then. (Then again, I think Patton is an extremely talented singer but complete ass, 'cause I've seen them live and he rips into the crowd for singing along. At a concert. Asshat.)

BrideOfPorkins said...

Everytime I hear We Care A Lot, I'm bummed I didn't get a recording of you calling into that station on that road trip or whatever that was that time.

Yeah, I've heard Patton' concerts. This one guy went to a Bungle concert in Arizona and they all were wearing gimp suits and kept spitting on the audience. I can laugh because I wasn't there. Hahahaha.