Friday, December 26, 2008

'Twas The Night After Christmas....

If you're actually reading my blog on the day after Christmas, I owe you more than a video or a pissy diatribe about how cruel time can be. Unless of course you got the RSS feed going and it's February 2010 when you read this, then I have no idea how to feel. I'm happy, I hope you're happy too.

At this moment I'm probably having a grand old time catching up with family I haven't seen in ages, and if I'm lucky I'm not coming off like Nell to them. I've eaten a lot of cookies, though, you never know what the sugar will do to me.

Icey the groovy snow DJ, however, is having trouble finding a place to spin her ice platters. You know about Icey, don't you? The good little children of the village got together one weekend and smoked some mistletoe, and when one decided to hang his headphones on the snowperson he was relieving himself on, Icey sprang to life, knocking the unsuspecting hipsters to the ground with a blast of chill music.

The children laughed and followed Icey across town, mainly because the headphones were those ludicrously priced noise-cancelling headphones--but they were enchanted! Magic noise-cancelling headphones, once worn by Chris Botti himself on a flight over Ibiza! Icey made out with a traffic cop and unfortunately ended up melting on the Manhattan streets because that steam is a bitch on the icicles. As she dripped down the street her little charcoal briquette mouth called, "I'll be back again someday, donate my carrot nose to the hungry!"

No one knows if the ex-investment banker who ate Icey's carrot nose knew the adventure his food had, but the owner of the headphones vowed never to pee on snowpeople ever again.

Keep that in mind when the mistletoe is being passed around, kids.

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