Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Doing my part to ensure better programming.

If you know me, you know that I can kill television and radio shows merely by liking them. This leaves me very little to watch, and I've been warned not to watch any shows which are currently on the air. With that in mind, Dancing With the Stars ends tonight.

Last week's show, which attempted to tie-in Election Day, left us with Mario Lopez and Emmit Smith as the final two. This made us happy here as we like them both and now we don't have to have a collective stroke over who wins. Personally, I was hoping for Jerry Springer to take the big prize...whatever the big prize is.

Yesterday, we brought The Puppy in for knee repairs, she's still being worked on last I heard, and so the final episode of Dancing With the Stars was rather welcome to take our minds off The Puppy, sitting in a cage, scratching lines into the floor for each hour we've left her there. She will have her revenge. I will, of course, welcome that as well.

Meanwhile, I decided to take notes on the last night of competition, because I was tired, and things like that amuse me. Here are my notes, with some elaboration so you know what I was on about.

Emmit's shoes. I wrote that because I liked his metallic green dancing shoes. I once had my eyes on a pair of metallic sneakers in Capezio, but they never had my size. I dealt with that crushing blow by going mad with glitter on my existing sneakers. Did you know gluing glitter to sneakers makes them stiff...even sharp?

Christmas commercials. Oh hell no. The last thing I need to be reminded of is the oncoming buying holiday. Why aren't there ads for book sales for Kwanzaa? I would enjoy those.

I don't know the Brit name. This meant that I was having a breakdown and momentarily forgot Glenn Goodman's name. He says "mambo" funny.

Emmit's red shoes. I am attracted to shiny things when I am tired. For the record, I didn't like his gold ones, but I did like his partner's boots.

It's not mAmbo or sAmba. Maybe it is in ballroom circles, but until the day I have a fake tan and really painful-looking, yet gorgeous, shoes, I'm pronouncing mambo the way Rosemary Clooney and Perry Como did. So there.

Krunk Clown. I had totally forgotten the name of Tommy the Clown, who teaches inner city kids to krump, and taught Monique Coleman some moves. He had a balloon drawn on his face that looked like a bullethole. It was hilarious.

Damn, I hate the Funky Bunch. I didn't rememeber that Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock do that It Takes Two song that Mario and Carina used for their Freestyle, so I blamed the band I could rememeber.

Dancing With The Cylons. Dear Gods, what have I done?

SHAT-tastic! I really hope someone at ABC gets a dictionary for the holidays. Shat is far more than a nickname for William Shatner, and when that fact comes out, it will explain the quality of Show Me The Money, the show that followed Dancing With The Stars last night.

"When civilization gets me down, I want an AK-47." This was something I heard on another station as I walked around the house. It was on the History Channel, I think. It amused me, because I am of course of the opinion that we need to invent the lightsaber as quickly as possible.

This just in--The Puppy has survived surgery! The Puppy has had one knee repaired, and shall be back to kicking my ass before year's end. I have never been so happy at that thought as I am now.

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