Here comes Speed Racer.

I'm just going to get it out of the way and tell everyone that before Han Solo, Speed Racer, the Japanese animated demon on wheels, was my first love. Oh, the times we had. Trixie never found out, and neither did Sparky...until now, I suppose. Chim Chim probably had some idea, but I bought him off with food. In those days I used to have access to a stash of Devil Dogs and Funny Bones, and after about 40, Chim Chim (or Spritle, I could never tell the sneaky little bastards apart) would be passed the hell out and Speed and I could get down to figuring out how to outwit the car acrobatic team, who had infiltrated the local drag-racing scene.

With that said, (I feel better, don't you?) I am going to make it my business to track the new live-action movie of Speed Racer that the Wachowskis are working on.

I'm going to give you all a minute to take in all the information I've just thrown at you. It's okay, I know finding out I had an imroper relationship with an animated cartoon twenty-five years my elder must be startling. Now you can imagine how startling it is for me trying to imagine what the hell the Wachowskis are going to do to my friend.

I don't generally like to follow movie spoilers since the days when I used to rabidly defend The Phantom Menace, which I will still do to this day, even though the idea of needing to defend a seven-year-old movie that made $925.5 million seems kind of silly to me now.

Almost as silly as me hoping that Speed Racer (2008) is as good as V for Vendetta, but nothing like the two Matrix sequels. I mean, it's a story about a kid in a race car (albeit a bloody super car!) fighting crime; maybe I should not invest so much interest a full two years before the movie is slated for release.

Maybe I should just be happy that Lyra from the movies based on His Dark Materials looks pretty good.

Here comes Speed Racer.