Monday, January 29, 2007

Interview with a rechargeable battery.

From a nearby radio, Behind Blue Eyes plays. A green and orange rechargable battery sits on a chair, its positive terminal gazing blankly into space.

Q: So, you were lost for a while?

A: Yeah. It was rough.

Q: Separated from your partner--

A: Yeah, I guess it was rough for everybody.

Q: And you don't remember that night?

A: was New Year's Eve. I had just left my charger, and I was riding in a chest pocket, when we--

Q: You fell?

A: Yeah.

Q: Take all the time you need.

A: It's just, I laid there, I don't know how long.

Q: Then the dogs found you?

A: Yeah, and I was carried out--

Q: You were just dumped on the ground, weren't you?

A: There was so much going on.

Q: Were you--

A: Peed on? I can't remember.

Q: Were you happy when you found out you were going home?

A: Oh yeah, my partner and I, we just spent a night on the desk, and in the morning, I was right back to work, like nothing happened.

Q: What do you think other batteries will say about you?

A: I don't really care about that. I've gotten some negativity from the alkalines....

Q: The non-rechargeables?

A: Yeah, but they're jealous anyway. The important thing is I just want to go back to making music with my partner, and in a few days, I'll recharge again, and with any luck this will all be forgotten by the media.

Q: What do you think of batteries like the Telepower who was overcharged?

A: That's...that was a tragic, terrible thing. I knew that battery. We used to go to the charger together. I could have been in the charger that day.

Q: You're very lucky.

A: Yeah, I feel bad for the battery left, you know, they have to charge in pairs....

Q: Are you offering?

audience laughs

A: No. No, what kind of sicko do you think I am?

Q: Well I--

A: You're just like all the other reporters! This interview is over! Get me out of here.

The battery sits on a chair, light flashing angrily off its positive terminal. A cat paw reaches around the chair and pulls the battery to safety.


Dave Morris said...

Some batteries are afraid of getting "jumped." This one appears fairly healthy considering the hell it's been through.

Aren't all diseases batteries contract considered "terminal?"

I am stopping now. Enjoyed your blog, I'll be back!

Rainbow Heron said...

"AAA" for effort (both of ya!)