Monday, January 29, 2007

Interview with a rechargeable battery.

From a nearby radio, Behind Blue Eyes plays. A green and orange rechargable battery sits on a chair, its positive terminal gazing blankly into space.

Q: So, you were lost for a while?

A: Yeah. It was rough.

Q: Separated from your partner--

A: Yeah, I guess it was rough for everybody.

Q: And you don't remember that night?

A: Well...it was New Year's Eve. I had just left my charger, and I was riding in a chest pocket, when we--

Q: You fell?

A: Yeah.

Q: Take all the time you need.

A: It's just, I laid there, I don't know how long.

Q: Then the dogs found you?

A: Yeah, and I was carried out--

Q: You were just dumped on the ground, weren't you?

A: There was so much going on.

Q: Were you--

A: Peed on? I can't remember.

Q: Were you happy when you found out you were going home?

A: Oh yeah, my partner and I, we just spent a night on the desk, and in the morning, I was right back to work, like nothing happened.

Q: What do you think other batteries will say about you?

A: I don't really care about that. I've gotten some negativity from the alkalines....

Q: The non-rechargeables?

A: Yeah, but they're jealous anyway. The important thing is I just want to go back to making music with my partner, and in a few days, I'll recharge again, and with any luck this will all be forgotten by the media.

Q: What do you think of batteries like the Telepower who was overcharged?

A: That's...that was a tragic, terrible thing. I knew that battery. We used to go to the charger together. I could have been in the charger that day.

Q: You're very lucky.

A: Yeah, I feel bad for the battery left, you know, they have to charge in pairs....

Q: Are you offering?

audience laughs

A: No. No, what kind of sicko do you think I am?

Q: Well I--

A: You're just like all the other reporters! This interview is over! Get me out of here.

The battery sits on a chair, light flashing angrily off its positive terminal. A cat paw reaches around the chair and pulls the battery to safety.
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2 comments:

Dave Morris said...

Some batteries are afraid of getting "jumped." This one appears fairly healthy considering the hell it's been through.

Aren't all diseases batteries contract considered "terminal?"

I am stopping now. Enjoyed your blog, I'll be back!

Rainbow Heron said...

"AAA" for effort (both of ya!)