Monday, August 20, 2007

Things I Have Learned This Weekend: August Edition

If a cat is sitting on a desk, and there is then a small worm on the desk, there is a 99% chance that the worm has come out of the cat.

When faced with a small worm on your desk, fight the natural urge to run away screaming and/or vomit. Also, throwing the worm away does not cure the cat.

Tapeworm will present itself as small white wiggling worms. These are not in fact worms, but only the equipment needed to make more worms.

Fleas must ingest tapeworm segments, and then in turn be eaten by a cat, dog, or human in order to get to the business of being a proper tapeworm.

Tapeworm takes three weeks to show up on the butt of your pet.

A magical flea must have wandered onto my property three weeks ago.

I cannot recall three weeks ago.

Cats will let you know when a worm is trying to leave their butt. They may even show you their butt, so you have time to grab a tissue or something.

When a cat freaks out because you are pawing at their butt, they will back into things on your desk.

When a cat has a worm on them when they back into things on your desk, yet the worm is not present on the cat when he runs away, the worm in on your desk. Look closely.

Do not leave headphones that are going on your ears in the path of cats who may leave a worm there.

The best way to preserve a tapeworm segement for the vet to look at is by placing it in a bag with a bit of wet paper towel.

Do not expect your cat to accompany you or the worm segement it previously housed to the vet for examination.

Expect your vet tech to believe you are making your cat up.

Expect your vet to believe you are denying the existance of fleas, just because you have not seen any evidence to support the existance fleas in half a decade.

The information on the Internet is more accurate than that of your vet's receptionist.

Mosquitoes do not transmit tapeworm.

If you are convincing, your vet will give you dewormer for a cat he has never seen.

Driving in the rain is preferable to driving in the sun.

Cats who will eat any insect in creation are hesitant to take pills.

If your cat has arms and legs, and at the ends of those arms and legs are claws, do not think administering a pill to said cat will be easy based on the history of the permanent smile on the cat's face and reputation for being a floppy, soft, friendly cat.

Do not administer pills to one pet while the other two are in the area.

Twin cats generally stick up for each other and whichever one is not wrapped in a towel will try to kill you from the ground for causing their brother so much annoyance.

Healthy cats will not get in the carrier.

Content cats will cut you if you throw them off their peaceful vibe.

It's best not to watch The Wall very late at night at an impressionable age if at some point in your life you will be faced with the idea that there are worms inside of something that sleeps on your face.

Most importantly, I learned that once again, as with the tick bonanza of 2000, I am capaple of handling seriously gross things if they are attached to cute furry things.

Sleep deprivation causes 600-word posts, yo.

1 comment:

Wigwam Jones said...

Arrrrrrr. This is me, shivering in sheer sympathy and disgust. Argh! You are a brave person. I think the first plan, running and screaming, with or without projectile barfing, would have been more my style. Well done.