Friday, March 14, 2008

An Experiment of the Most Mute Kind

Looking around this Internet thing, there are a lot of hits on searches about losing one's voice. Mainly things like, "I have to sing tomorrow, OMG, what do I do?!" and invariably, there will be at least one reply that will invoke hot sauce.

I'm allergic to hot sauce, you know, once upon a time I ate a pretzel using the same hand that I'd used to rub Capzasin-P onto my arm. Doctors don't technically call what happens anaphylaxis, but for five years, among the symptoms of my exposure to hot sauce is the loss of my voice.

And so it was that I took out a packet of Yi Pin hot sauce that came with some Chinese food we got, and emptied the packet onto a slice of bread. Eating the bread did not kill me. It did not even first.

I got my voice back.

Ten minutes later, I'd lost my voice again.

The next day, I tried mustard. Mustard, Lowry's Seasoned Salt, and paprika. All together, because I felt like rushing the experiment. I got my voice back for a few minutes.

The next day, I took a spoon. Onto the spoon I put red pepper flakes, and coated that in honey. My thinking was that the honey would slow the pepper down as it went down my throat. It did! It's burning still...but not my throat.

Today, I just left myself alone. My findings are that the thing which could have killed me for five years now allows me to speak, if only momentarily, so I can only conclude that I have been replaced by a replica.

It boggles the mind.

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