Tuesday, June 09, 2009

I Was Once Within Arm's Length Of An Elvis Impersonator

I am still taking part in the 100 Word Stories' weekly challenges, you know. Now it's like if I stop, I'll die. I am also still not exactly up-to-date here with what I've written in the past, so you're getting two stories this week because I am having another one of those weeks where I seem to be using a different keyboard layout in my head. One day I'll blog about it in great detail, but I want to make sure I'm caught up on the fun stuff before I drive the Internet mad.

Turns out I so desperately wanted to do an Elvis impression that even though I had no time to record my offering for Elvis Drives A Bus and The Chance Meeting Of A Sewing Machine And An Umbrella On An Operating Table, I MADE TIME. As a result of messing with time, I can't really remember anything else from the week the story took place, but I do know a Scotsman did a way better Elvis impression than me. But I digress. Here's a little weird noir I wrote:

Rain. This city is full of it.

I sell things. Last year? Pillows. Now? I was schlepping Singer iSew green technology sewing machines. Big difference.

The 33 pulled into the stop right on time. A bad sign overlooked. I lugged my sample up the steps and swiped my MetroCard.

"Uh, thankyouverymuch," the driver drawled. He wore a rhinestone jumpsuit and twitched like his pelvis was dislocated.

Didn't take him long to swerve the bus into some stranger in the crowd. Took longer to dislodge the iSew from my chest and the umbrella from my skull.

Wish I had a pillow.

Listen to the challenge and you'll hear my kittens scare the bejeebers out of me as I'm reading, and 13 other tales that will make you not want to leave the building.

(The Singer iSew is solar powered and is also a 40GB MP3 player. No, it doesn't exist, but when it does I want my royalties or a sample unit for thinking it up.)

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