Friday, December 01, 2006

A Fine Fail To Suck Day To You.

It is Fail To Suck day, and while I need no special day to be the spectacular that is me, I thought I would pass along some wisdom so at the very least, your day won't suck all that much.

Do not stand on your roof during a rainy windstorm. The umbrella may protect you from the rain, but is ineffective against pavement or sharp objects.

When insulting someone who is not present, make sure that no one with access to the food has similar habits. Not finding glass in your cookies makes this worthwhile.

Do not use household tools for dentistry. Your neighbors may think it's great to save $300, but whatever that is on the floor will never grow back.

Prepare for bad weather by raising squirrels in your spare bedroom. When the pets can't go out, they can have an adventure indoors.

Do not apply Krazy Glue to a Breathe Right strip. It works, but the pain is not worth the spared strip.

In the event of a power outage, stand where you are as the sun will come up eventually. Those in Northern Latitudes may have to wait longer.

Happy Fail To Suck day, everyone!


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BrideOfPorkins said...

You have failed to fail to suck. Good day to you.