Thursday, December 07, 2006

Who gets sick watching HGTV?

I would raise both hands, but then I couldn't type this. I don't generally like to write about my health, because there is only so much bandwidth on the Internet, and there aren't many people who see the humor in my stories about falling over. This is of course a flaw in my writing, because damn, that time the cats and dog got their leashes all tied up around my legs while I was on the floor was some funny shit.

I single out HGTV because that's what we watch, along with the Food Network and Game Show network and X-Play...okay, only I watch X-Play, but that's because I only eat oatmeal and peanut butter and have seen just about every episode of Match Game ten times. HGTV has the decorating shows, and House Hunters, and is light entertainment so we leave it on when we're having coffee.

I get migraines. I think I've mentioned that, but one trigger for migraines is flashing lights. If you've watched any show on HGTV recently, you know where this is going. The camerawork they use is almost subliminal, closets spin into focus and before you can say walk-in, the show is onto a choppy montage of sinks and knobs and yellow tiles and whatever the hell else is in the room. I dare anyone to tell me exactly what they've just seen after one of those shows.

Last night, after Gift Show 2006 made my entire family ill, I decided to hit the HGTV contact form. I pretty much said, "Hey, you're making me sick, cut that out."

The HGTV forum is filled with complaints about the camerawork, so I don't feel like so much of a whiny freak. I told HGTV I wanted to like their shows--and I do, at least no one dies on Design on a Dime, although there was that broken arm Lee Snijders had that time--but I can't enjoy things that make me homicidal. I don't think I said homicidal, I know better than to threaten a website with television killin'.

Truth is I don't remember what I said, but it was very eloquent yet concise and I felt pumped up enough after hitting submit that I came here to post the link to the contact form so anyone else who feels like they just got off a boat after watching can complain too.


Rainbow Heron said...

Ah yes, HGTV. Or as well call it around here "Mom's Sunday tv marathon". Or we would if we weren't so busy watching it, and by "we" I don't mean Dad (much). I haven't been watching it enough to notice the camera problems, but the "reveal" music on Curb Appeal is getting to me a bit. The music just doesn't seem to match the mood of the new design 99% of the time. It throws me off.

But you know I know what you mean about the migraines and flashyness. I taped a show on PBS about Blue Man Group the other day; they'll be here in SC in a few months and if it weren't for the $$$ and the strobe lights, I'd actually go. But like I said...I know what you mean.

Btw, I know you also hate these as much as I do too: you might wanna fix up the ".comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}" with a zero there. :-)

(Imagine that, if you set up numbers with blind dates, they might actually *like* zeroes!)

BrideOfPorkins said...

Thanks! I fixed the .comment-link and a couple of other messes I found in the styles. I still can't lose the blank bar at the top in either browser, though.

Gift Show 2006 was the worst, although I guess if the Blue Man Group had been guests, it could have been even flashier. I love those Blue Men, but yeah, you know I know you know what I mean, and I know what you mean about that PBS show, I caught a little of it. Didn't see Tobias Funke on stage, though, so I guess he hasn't gotten that call yet.

(If you haven't seen Arrested Development yet, I'm just babbling crazy talk about Tobias.)

HAHA, dating a zero would be better than a negative experience. Unless it's a red-letter date.

Rainbow Heron said...

ROTFLMHO!!! <::applauds::> Today you win the pun war!

The 'Puffs wanted to go as Blue Man Group for Halloween but since they're *4* of them...well, Hamillpuff ended up just painting himself as a basketball again. A blue one. ;-)